All over the map

That's me. I can't sit still for long and once I start going, I end up in all of these fragmented little pieces that are all over the place. I need to catch up with myself and reign everything back in. I feel disorganized and that's a very uncomfortable feeling for me. I suppose I had better catch you all up on how I ended up with one foot in every continent.

What's good?

Some of you may already be aware that I am currently in some training programs to facilitate courses for an online university program. This is something that I am so proud of and excited about because I have wanted to do it since I graduated with my MBA myself a few years ago. It's really a perfect position for me for so many reasons. I am a huge proponent of online learning and especially for working adult learners, since that is how I eventually obtained my degrees. It's such a great opportunity and its also hugely symbolic for me in that it proves that I CAN do anything that I set my mind to. It is concrete evidence that having goals and striving to achieve them really works and it makes me feel so good about myself, which is pretty rare. This being said, it is taking up a LOT more time than I thought it would and it's a little scary.

I have begun to get more involved with the Boston Terrier rescue. I have been updating the Facebook page, but now a new challenge has risen. I've been asked to help with the shelter checks. This is what I used to do for the basset rescue, and years ago also for the BT rescue. I was a damn good shelter coordinator. In a four year span I only lost 4 dogs. 3 were to shelter error and one was due to mine. I am still not over that one and so I won't elaborate on that at this time. I have some big reservations about getting more involved. I am not the kind of person that easily sits on the fringe of things and looks onwards. I am aggressive and I don't do anything if I don't do it whole-hearted. I don't know if I have it in me to do the shelter work again. It's very hard and so time consuming. I've mentioned it before that rescue work will suck you in and consume you whole if you let it. I'm pretty comfortable with where I am now, updating the FB page... I just don't know if I can get any further into it and not drown, especially with the new job and all of that. And just to clarify, the teaching position is in addition to my job at the County and my pet sitting business.

What's bad?

I can't honestly say that anything is bad. Go me!

Oh...there is this one thing... I can't seem to be able to focus on any one thing for an extended period of time. It's made it difficult for me to get anything done at work (at my day job). I am constantly worried that I am going to forget something and I can't get anything done.

What just is?

I've got lots on my mind... I feel like there are so many unresolved stuffs just floating around in my head. I've been away from home a lot lately with the pet sitting and it is taking a toll on me. J is still kind of in limbo at the moment, so he has taken on so much of the pet sitting to help out and I am so very grateful to him for that. I don't know what I would do without him. I adore most of my clients and they have great pets and homes for me to stay in, but it's so much harder than you think it is to be away from your own home, family and dogs for so long and on such a regular basis. Sometimes I just don't know if I am coming or going. I am really so thankful for all he has done to make my life easier while he is going to school. He's almost done with bar tending school and he has a job interview tomorrow for his first bar tending job. He's very excited. It's cute to see him happy about something. He finds out if he is a candidate for culinary school next week. I really hope this happens for him. I will keep you all posted.

So my writing has kind of fallen by the wayside, I am sorry to say. I haven't posted an article for The Examiner in ages. Part of this is because my desire to associate myself with the vegan community wanes daily. I've never known such a group of angry, bitter, irrational people before in my life. They are almost as bad as the born agains and they are so close to the problem that they don't see that they are fast becoming a part of it. It's so sad and although I do believe in the vegan cause, I just can't be a part of the negative movement that they are perpetuating. Vegan stuff aside, I haven't done any other kind of writing either. I am so generally overwhelmed by the things I 'have' to do, that everything else just kind of escapes me. I'm not in the 'zone'. I don't feel creative. I mean, I am really not that creative to begin with, so I should clarify by saying that I'm feeling less creative than usual. I want to write more... and I wrote to The Examiner to see if I could change topics, but never heard back. Maybe I should pursue this more aggressively?

On a similar note, the opportunity to be the staff writer for a prominent documentarian has returned. I'm not sure I should mention the who's and what's at this point, but let me say that most of you know who it is and love his first film. I've requested the audio files and need to listen to them (with all of my free time, right?), but this is a undertaking that makes me a little nervous along the same lines as getting more involved with BT rescue. I am so afraid to bury myself under too many projects and leave myself no room to breathe. On the other hand, I am scared to say 'No' and deny myself a fantastic opportunity to work with amazing people on an incredible project. Ack. What to do, what to do?

I'm feeling especially unhealthy lately. I get out of breath quickly and I just feel blah. I really really need to start exercising (again - in all of my free time?). I feel so gross. I know what I need to do to fix the situation, but it is so easy to put myself on the back burner. I guess I just don't see my health as a priority most of the time. Blah.

And as if all of this isn't enough, I have stumbled upon this: NaNoWriMo How awesome is that? I want to join so badly, but again, I am terrified of overwhelming myself more than I already am. Can I commit to 2000 words a day? (The answer is NO!) How do people even do this? Don't people spend years writing their novels? Ack! And yet, I am somehow so drawn to this... What am I thinking? I can't even keep up with the book club I excitedly joined a few months back. Haven't even made it to one meeting or read one of the assigned books! I suck... I truly truly suck... Someone throw me a rope and help me reel myself back in.