The spaghetti brain is back. So many thoughts, in a pile, interwoven. Happy. Sad. Frantic. Peaceful. Restless. All at the same time. Is it the depression? I just don't know. Sometimes it feels like the world is just too much. Too beautiful. Too tragic. I feel to perfect. And too broken. I think about Jade so much and I feel anger and sadness and fear and anxiety. I feel unloveable. Ugly. Used. It is hard to do the right thing. It is hard to suppress anger. Frustration. Confusion. It is hard to live in a world with so many billions of people and feel so alone. Solitary. Misunderstood.
"You live down to expectations." Chuck Palahniuk