I can't stand to be alone. I can't stand to be around people. I can't stand.
Showing posts with label mylifefuckingsucks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mylifefuckingsucks. Show all posts
Monday, February 3, 2014
But I don't...
It takes every ounce of energy I have to hold up the mask and I'm getting very very tired.
I can't stand to be alone. I can't stand to be around people. I can't stand.
I can't stand to be alone. I can't stand to be around people. I can't stand.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
I have heard...
That heartbreak is only temporary, even though there are moments when you hope that it will just kill you. The irrational thoughts are almost impossible to bear...
...but I loved you
...how could you say those things to me
...but i did this or that for you
...why wasn't I enough
I know the answers to all of these questions, which is why they trouble me so. I know my thoughts are irrational and yet I can't help but think them and sometimes believe them. Everyone knows what you're supposed to do and they aren't shy about telling you what you should be doing. And you want to kind of punch them. Because they don't know how hard it was to just put your feet on the ground this morning. And even if you felt good when you woke up, that it didn't take long until the paralyzing fear came out to play again. And then the worst thought ever comes....
...why
And you can't ever answer it, because there is no answer. But all of your friends keep telling you why and telling you how wonderful you are and how you always deserved better and how you are worth so much more and you nod. But you really don't believe it. And it seems so fucking unfair that everyone else is just going on with their lives while it feels like yours is caving in on you. How can they possibly have the Superbowl when you can hardly breathe?
...but I loved you
...how could you say those things to me
...but i did this or that for you
...why wasn't I enough
I know the answers to all of these questions, which is why they trouble me so. I know my thoughts are irrational and yet I can't help but think them and sometimes believe them. Everyone knows what you're supposed to do and they aren't shy about telling you what you should be doing. And you want to kind of punch them. Because they don't know how hard it was to just put your feet on the ground this morning. And even if you felt good when you woke up, that it didn't take long until the paralyzing fear came out to play again. And then the worst thought ever comes....
...why
And you can't ever answer it, because there is no answer. But all of your friends keep telling you why and telling you how wonderful you are and how you always deserved better and how you are worth so much more and you nod. But you really don't believe it. And it seems so fucking unfair that everyone else is just going on with their lives while it feels like yours is caving in on you. How can they possibly have the Superbowl when you can hardly breathe?
Monday, January 13, 2014
I...
...married you.
...chose you.
...knew it wouldn't be easy.
...listened.
...really did.
...thought about everything you said and I agreed with it.
...was sincerely ready to take accountability for my part in things, which of course, there is, and then things just blew up again.
...said mean things when I was drunk so that you would hurt as much as I was hurting. Was it right? Of course not.
...didn't do or say a lot of the things that you think I did.
...never once said I was right.
...just wanted to be heard, most of all.
...miss you. Us. Who we used to be together before we just started bringing out the absolute worst in each other.
...chose you.
...knew it wouldn't be easy.
...listened.
...really did.
...thought about everything you said and I agreed with it.
...was sincerely ready to take accountability for my part in things, which of course, there is, and then things just blew up again.
...said mean things when I was drunk so that you would hurt as much as I was hurting. Was it right? Of course not.
...didn't do or say a lot of the things that you think I did.
...never once said I was right.
...just wanted to be heard, most of all.
...miss you. Us. Who we used to be together before we just started bringing out the absolute worst in each other.
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